you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Randomize
