sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
