I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
