I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
