Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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