Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
