Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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