I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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