...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
