If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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