If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Randomize
