my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
