either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
