we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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