I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
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