I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
