He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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