Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
