Just fell off a train. Bad.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
