Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
