I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
