Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
