Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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