It's like a parade of train wrecks.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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