My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
