i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
