Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
