I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
