woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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