living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
