first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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