dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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