at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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