Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
