Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
