If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
