im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
