Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
