return my video game
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
