All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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