I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
