Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
they're like a gay fantastic four
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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