Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
