i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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