I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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