Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
