True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
