Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
