"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
