If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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