We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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