I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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