Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
do nipples grow back?
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