If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
