i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
