haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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