winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
